"I don't run from my problems, I confront them."
"You picked the wrong woman to get rough with."
"Didn't your mother tell you never to turn your back on a lady?!"
"That weak feeling is the blood to your brain being cut off. You'll be dead in less than a minute ... or, we can talk."
"I don't care much for popularity."
"Don't be sorry ... just improve."
"Shouldn't you be looking for a shallow grave somewhere?"
"You like shoving women around so much ... try me."
"I have many skills."
"My name is Xena. I'm a problem solver."
"Didn't anybody ever tell you it's rude to leave before the cake's cut?"
"Nothing like a good ambush to liven things up."
"Didn't your mother ever teach you it's rude to stare?"
"Hey boys! Wanna play?"
"Let the games begin."
"Kill them all!"
"I hate uninvited guests."
"If you like the sight of blood so much, keep talking."
"It aint over 'til it's over."
"Trust me, you don't want to make me angry."
"Are we having fun yet?"
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."
"You want to see some more blood ... bring it on."
"I like to be creative in a fight. It gets my juices flowing."
"You were this close, because I let you get this close.
"We need information. He's going to give it to us ... one way or another."
"Aint love a bitch."
"I love the smell of warrior sweat in the morning."
"This thing is great, and to think I've been using it all these years as a weapon."
"Well, if it's my head you want, then take it. Quite frankly, it's driving me crazy."
"I must be crazy. You're beginning to make sense."
"You expect me to trust you. I'm crazy, not stupid.
"No matter, I'm crazy and your dead."
"Gabrielle, tell him ... do the Bard thing."
"I'm going to use you as a shield, Gabrielle ... just kidding."
"Son of a Bacchae!"
"Now, go home, all of you, until you can learn to play nice."
"Rise and shine, everybody, rise and shine!"
"No. No. Yes. No. I tried that. Yes, both ways. No, I don't know. No, again. Are there any questions? Good."
"AAAUUGGGGHHHHH! Yafrigginraxinfraxincockin ...!"
"Well, we better get some rest. Today is going to be a very busy day tomorrow."
"Been there, done that, didn't work."
"Come and get me then. You half-witted toady to a third rate god, Come and Get Me!"
"What's the matter, a mere mortal giving you a problem?"
"Oh, we don't have to run for it. I'm going to slap these bitches silly."
"That's not an offer ... it's a statement of fact."
"I am the scourge that your gods sent to punish your people."
"Joxer, you can barely kill time."
"How I feel about you doesn't matter. You're the one who has to live with yourself."
"I don't accept defeat."
(after seriously kicking some Persian ass) "Go home, there are thousands more like me."
"Either you start filling in some holes, or I start making them."
"I don't play safe."
"Sorry about your soldiers, we were playing tag in the forum."
"C'mon ... come play with me."
"I like trouble."
"I've got it! I know what to do. The North Star is on the verge of extinction. The fate of the world is in our hands. We've got no choice. We're going fishing!"
"Your opinion of yourself is flying higher than my flying parchment."
"This is going to be the best day of your young lives. C'mon Gabrielle, let's get wet!"
"You can't see the fish for the lake."
"I hate the dead ... you can't take vengeance on them."
"You shouldn't play with your food."
"Come and get some."
"I don't ask for much. I just want my pony back."
"I need a volunteer ... I pick you."
"Yeah, don't be shy. Your mother wasn't"
"Nobody touches my horse."
"Ooh ... that's gotta hurt."
"What's the matter, you having trouble getting inside my head right now? Let me help you."
"It's a lovely day for a scalping."
"You wanna switch? Fine. You kick butt and I'll take notes."
"I'm not much one for waiting around."
"I'm not one for cryptic talk. Get to the point."
"Well, when I say don't mention it,' I mean ... you can mention it ... it's just a figure of speech, you don't have to take it so literally ... wouldn't kill you to look back or something ..."
"No time to talk ... it's time to act!"
"New outfit. New religion. Same old wacko underneath."
"You hurt Gabrielle and I will change you in ways that are anything but peaceful."
"You want to pick on someone ... pick on me."
"Oh no, I surrender before Gabrielle."
"Alright, you know the drill. Thirty seconds, you die, no blood to the brain."
"Let's make this short and sweet."
"Beware the Ides of March."
"You know what, sweetie? You talk too much."
"Why don't we get together over a meal? You know what I feel like? Some raspberry jelly and -- I don't know -- some raw fish. What do you say?"
"It's impossible! I cannot be pregnant! If you weren't such a quack, you would know that getting pregnant involves certain physical requirements that I haven't met in a long time! And I mean a very long time! No one. Zilch. Zippo. I am a love-free zone. Therefore, it is utterly impossible that I be 'up the duff'!"
"I feel like a slug. A pregnant slug."
"There aren't many guarantees in life, Alti, but I promise you this, if you harm my child, I will hound you. I will hound you throughout all time and between worlds. I will be your eternal damnation."
"Stay out of my nightmares."
"Believe me, this is going to hurt you a lot more than it's going to hurt me."
"Alright, ease off. You'll all be more comfortable walking without a limp."
"Am I getting too old for this? ... Nah!"
"Well, kids ... if you can't play nice with your new toy, I'm gonna have to take it from you."
"Make it snappy. I've got a lot of single, Greek losers to turn down."
"For crying out loud, what century are you living in?!"
"Alright, now, I'm not mad. I'm just very, very disappointed."
"Joxer ... never pie a pregnant woman."
"There are ways to kill a god."
"I am pregnant, not brain damaged."
"And that's how you lay a false trail. It's basic, but you gotta start someplace."
"I am Xena, the Ultimate Woman, versus Joxer, the Ultimate Meatball! And I will crush his head like a peanut between the thighs of Do-o-o-o-m!"
"Now, I will penetrate his brain with the great, wet willy!"
"Every time you turn his brain off "
"Don't worry. I'm not gonna kill ya. Not today."
"Neither of you is going to leave me. Gabrielle, you're the most pure thing in my life [to Eve] and you're my great hope. So, I'm not going to let either of you go."
"If anything happens to her while she's in your custody, you'll have me to deal with, and trust me you ain't ready for that."
"What's the matter, God of War, you afraid of a girl?"
"You might be a mortal, Ares, but you will never be a man!"
"Well, that's the last time I let an evil demon do the decorating."
"Trust me the more you drink, the better it looks."
"With these hands I can attain both pleasure and power for whomsoever I chose."
"Well, if the truth hurts, let me make it better."
"Eve, sweetheart, if you can't stand the heat, then get the Hell out of my kitchen!"
"Besmirch -- is that even a real word?"
"Evil the Dark Side it's intoxicating, isn't it?"
"Do we ever know where we're going?"
"The fact that they worship us could be influencing the welcome a bit."
"Watch who you're calling a myth."
"Everyday I wake up and I feel pumped by the knowledge that there is always someone around the next corner someone for me to challenge, fight and conquer."
"What is this? A scumbag convention?"
"How are you at shoveling sh*t?"
"I don't care if it is a ghost. If I can kill gods, maybe I can kill ghosts, too."